Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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