Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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