I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
