can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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