yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
