I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
