respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
