It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
