i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
where does the pee come out of this thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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