Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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