I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
