So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
