Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
