My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
