Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
