I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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