Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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