Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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