Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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