At least make sure they are 18
Why
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
