I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
