Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
