A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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