I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
