some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
