if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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