PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
