i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
