When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
