ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
