I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
