peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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