somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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