apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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