What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
