Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
