We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
