Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
