You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
