i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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