batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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