A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
