i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
