Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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