Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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