she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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