first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
