Sry I called you an 8
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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