I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
