dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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