could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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