i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
