i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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